Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Monday, November 14, 2011

Medical Sexism - being heard while female

My heart attack was in March of 2009. Seven months later, in October 2009, I jumped into women's heart disease advocacy via attending the WomenHeart Science & Leadership Symposium at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, which is a five-day intensive training program for women with heart disease--they take around 60 women each year (all of whom have some form of heart disease), out of a large number who apply.

With the training we receive at the Symposium, we turn our passion and our personal experiences of heart disease into real-world skills in advocating, educating, and supporting women with or at risk of developing heart disease. We leave the Symposium as patient-experts, equipped to become community leaders in women's heart disease awareness.

Since mid-2009, I have staffed information booths at health fairs, attended events in people's homes, in churches, in country clubs; I've run a support network, I support women with heart disease online, I write a blog. While I'm not an old hand, I'd say I'm fairly comfortable with my women's heart disease advocacy--how to do it and what my own particular strengths are.

However, I'm a babe in the woods when it comes to the broader patient advocacy movement, as I wasn't aware, until around six weeks or so ago, that an organization like the Society for Participatory Medicine existed. Chalk it up to an intense focus on my particular issue, if you will. But the fact is, I have only very recently discovered this broader movement to foster engaged, educated patients who are true partners in our own healthcare.

For years now, the folks in this movement have been urging healthcare professionals to listen to patients, to see us as a valuable resource. Or as my new friend e-Patient Dave says, "Let Patients Help."

I want to be an active, engaged, educated, empowered patient. I have educated myself, I am active in my care, I speak up about my needs. I'd give myself a solid "B" on my ability to be an e-patient. Doing pretty well, still room for improvement.

Imagine my dismay upon hearing that one thing I can't change -- my gender -- is held against me:

'Medical Sexism': Women's heart disease symptoms often dismissed

From the article: "Cardiologist Dr. Adam Splaver says a symptom like shortness of breath is too often dismissed as anxiety among women.

'In training, we were taught to be on the lookout for hysterical females who come to the emergency room,' said Splaver."

I am thankful, in this season of giving thanks, that the emergency room staff took my classic heart attack symptoms--chest pain that radiated down my left arm and up into my neck and jaw, nausea, and cold sweats--seriously and treated me appropriately, even as they told me that I was too young and too female to be having a heart attack.

And even as they wrote in my chart, but didn't say out loud to me, that it was possible that I was just suffering from "anxiety," they did an EKG, drew blood, did a chest X-ray, and gave me a nitro patch and an aspirin.

As they talked about esophageal spasms or acid reflux, they admitted me overnight for observation, just in case. When the second round of bloodwork showed up with elevated troponins, a stunned-looking doctor came into my room to give me the news that I'd had a heart attack. In the back of my mind, I was not surprised. I wouldn't have insisted that my husband drive us to the ER if I was just feeling a little "anxious" (yes, I've had a panic attack before, no, this was something entirely different).

I am reminded of my fun with chicken pox--not shingles--as an adult, around 12 years ago. Growing up, neither I nor my siblings had ever had chicken pox. When I worked in a hospital in the mid-1990s, one of our interns from overseas got it and as a result, all of us in the office who thought we'd never had it had to troop over to the hospital's Infectious Diseases clinic and give up a couple tubes of blood to be tested. My sample was the only one that came back marked "No varicella antibodies." Further proof that I hadn't even had a sub-clinical case as a baby.

Fast-forward to late 1999, after Thanksgiving. A small, strange bump appeared on my chest. After a couple more appeared on my torso, I wondered if it could be chicken pox. I showed my female boss, who'd raised two children. She thought they looked suspiciously like early-stage pox, so I went to my family doctor. They said "impetigo" and sent me on my way, all of my protestations that by the way, I've never had chicken pox seemingly going in one ear and out the other.

As more and more appeared, my certainty that it was chicken pox, and NOT impetigo, grew. I went back to the doctor. This time, they finally listened. They put me on Famvir, which did no good but might have if they'd prescribed it when I first showed up--and told my husband to watch for possible signs of pneumonia or meningitis, had me coming in to the clinic almost daily so they could check me themselves, and even once pulled in a med student working there, to look at me, as mine was a "very involved case" (IOW, I was a medical curiosity for the first, but not last, time in my life).

They never once apologized for not listening to me. Sometimes I have those "going back in time" fantasies. In this particular one, I would grab my physician by the lapels and ask him to look me in the eyes as I said slowly and clearly, "I HAVE NO VARICELLA ANTIBODIES."

I am reminded that the "P" in SPM stands for "Participatory." To me, that means a give-and-take, a conversation, where both parties listen to each other.

I'm talking, but who's listening?


Friday, September 10, 2010

Dragon*Con, Blood Thinners, and You: Or, Where Did All of These Bruises Come From?

Most of you have heard me talk some about how I really don't fit the media stereotype of the heart attack survivor—the most obvious thing being that I'm not a 60-70 year old, type A personality male. I'm a 42-year old woman (40 when the heart attack happened) who doesn't have high blood pressure, doesn't smoke, isn't diabetic and doesn't have clogged arteries. I'm overweight but had been dieting and exercising for several months and taken off around 20 pounds when I woke up that morning with crushing chest pain.

I'm also unusual in the heart disease community because I'm, well, let's face it: I'm a geek. I'm a nerd. I was the kid in high school who was in the AP/advanced classes. I took one of the first computer processing classes offered at my high school (on TRS-80s, no less)—we spent a semester on BASIC, then spent a quarter split into small groups to write a program in COBOL. When my world history teacher did review sessions at the end of the semester and gave extra credit for correctly-answered questions, he wouldn't let me play—said it would skew his grading curve too badly. I wear glasses.

I have volunteered at and run science fiction conventions in my home town. I play role-playing games (Champions/Hero System, if you must know). I love Star Trek, Babylon 5, Futurama, Firefly/Serenity, Farscape, the new Battlestar Galactica, and more. My favorite authors write series you've probably never heard of: Honor Harrington, Skolian saga, Saint Germain chronicles, Deryni series, Liaden universe, Technic civilization. At my day-job, I work for a science fiction publisher. I read comics and love comic-book characters, with Batman being a particular favorite.

My husband and I spent Labor Day weekend congregating with our tribe, our people, our fellow geeks and nerds. Maybe you've heard of San Diego Comic Con? The event we attended this past weekend is similar, but is run by a hardworking corps of volunteers and takes place in Atlanta every year: Dragon*Con.

Some people jokingly call it "Nerdi Gras," and that's as good a quick description as any. You'll find people of all shapes and sizes in costumes of all types, from cartoon characters to the latest sf TV shows—one family came as the characters from Scooby Doo, someone else dressed up as the Witch King from Lord of the Rings, there were several Batmans and Supermans, and the group that won the Sunday night masquerade did steampunk versions of the X-Men. Lots of people, including me, have no talent at costuming; we just wear comfortable clothes and admire the skill and chutzpah of the people who do take the time to dress up.

There are 37 tracks of programming, so there's always something to do—usually two or three things are happening at once and you want to go to all of them, so you have to make hard choices: Jim Butcher autograph session, or discussion on the lasting impact of H.P. Lovecraft, or Q&A with the cast of Firefly?

Somewhere around 50,000 people streamed into downtown Atlanta to take part in the con (short for "convention," not "con game"), and I do mean "take part," because the people become part of the experience—via costumes, via interacting with panelists, meeting fellow fans while waiting in line, hosting or attending parties, taking pictures. It's an interactive experience. Wear comfortable shoes.

If you're at all crowd-phobic, you may need to take steps to make sure that you can fully enjoy your weekend at Dragon*Con. The public areas of the hotels hosting the Dealers' rooms—where you'll find everything for sale from leather corsets to T-shirts with snarky sayings to dice in all colors, shapes and sizes—and large events like concerts and some of the really popular panels turn into wall-to-wall people, especially on Saturday.

As a short woman who apparently projects an invisibility shield, people were bumping into me, stepping on me, and cutting me off all weekend. Even when my 6' husband was holding my hand, we'd still get separated. It seriously made me wish I had a taser.

That said, once I'd fought my way through the crowds, ultimately I enjoyed whatever event or panel I went to.

Then the bruises started showing up.

This is the legacy of having a heart attack: taking Plavix and a full-strength aspirin every day. Sometimes a bruise shows up and I know exactly what happened. "Oh, I banged my shin on the coffee table last night in the dark." Other times, a bruise'll appear and I'll have no idea what I did; maybe someone looked at me cross-eyed.

Most of the ones incurred from the full-contact sport of getting from place to place at Dragon*Con aren't visible; they're on my legs and feet, with one on the last two knuckles of my right hand that falls into the "I have no IDEA where that came from" category.

If you're on blood thinners, arnica gel is your friend. It really does help the bruises fade faster. It won't disguise them if you're self-conscious about them where they show (next post: why Capri pants and 3/4-sleeve shirts are a Plavix-girl's friend), but they will disappear quicker than they would otherwise. I spent time every morning and evening at D*C putting arnica on my battle-scars.

As a heart disease patient, I also modify the standard travel-size emergency kit to include a list of current meds, emergency contact info, nitro pills and baby aspirin, and of course my trusty tube of arnica gel. You can get it at most organic food co-ops and also places like Whole Foods.

This is a good time for me to remind people to get and wear a medical ID of some sort—bracelet, necklace, there are a TON of options in every style, color, and price range, and there's no excuse to not wear one. Many times at Dragon*Con, my husband and I were attending different events in different hotels. Depending on your carrier, cell phone reception in the various host hotels ranged from OK to decent to horrible. If something had happened to me, it would have taken some doing to track him down, but thankfully I was always wearing my medical ID bracelet.

One thing that happened over the weekend that meant a lot to me was getting to meet Kevin Sorbo. If you don't know his work, he's an actor who played Hercules in the show Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, and Xena: Warrior Princess, as well as Capt. Dylan Hunt in Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda.

Right after my heart attack, I was, to put it mildly, freaked out and scared. The heart attack was in late March and my birthday is in early May; for my birthday that year I received a lot of Amazon.com gift certificates. I pooled them together and bought the box set of Hercules.

I was only out of work for a couple of weeks, then it was back in the saddle, and I started up cardiac rehab a few weeks after getting out of the hospital.

It was wonderful to come home in the evenings and be able to put on an episode of Hercules and get transported to another place and time for awhile and not have to think about what had happened to me. Not have to look at the scar on my wrist where they stuck an arterial line my third night in the hospital. Not sitting at the computer reading scary statistics about spontaneous dissections. Having a little bit of time where I didn't have to remember that my life had changed forever and I could never go back to the way things used to be.

An author friend who'd met Kevin at a previous convention offered to introduce me, and since I get so tongue-tied around people, I accepted. While we waited for him to show up at his table, Tim and his wife Anna took me around and introduced me to some of the other Dragon*Con guests at the Walk of Fame: Peter Mayhew, Raelee Hill, Claudia Christian, and then... Kevin Sorbo.

After they introduced me, I bought a photo and got it autographed—then got incoherent and weepy. I think I managed to get out "Thanks... box set Hercules... helped me through a really scary time of my life... heart attack... freaked out... thanks for the entertainment and distraction..." He was really sweet and gave me a hug. I'm tearing up a little now just writing about it. I just wanted to make sure he knew that I appreciated him and the show and what it meant to me.

The con could have ended right after that, and I would have counted it as a win. But there was still another day's worth of entertainment, including having dinner with a friend and watching the Masquerade (a costume contest) from the comfort of our hotel room. One thing that Dragon*Con does is to have some of the larger, more popular events broadcast to the TVs in the host hotels, over a private channel called D*CTV (Dragon*Con TV). So sometimes you don't have to fight through the crowds to see your favorite events.

All in all, it was a great weekend full of memories that I'll carry with me for a lifetime.

Having heart disease doesn't mean you stop enjoying life; it means you take a few precautions and get out there and keep living.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A Change of Heart fanzine now available

This is to announce that my one-shot fanzine, A CHANGE OF HEART, as announced here, is now done and available.

At the moment I can email you a .doc or .rtf, or send you a printed version if you send me your snail-mail address. There will be a pdf version later this evening, and once I have the pdf, I'll send it over to efanzines.com for inclusion there.

Thanks so much to everyone who sent something, and to everyone who helped get the word out, and to my friend Warren for carrying the first batch, still hot off the presses and containing a typo or two, to WorldCon for me.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Paul says thanks (and so do I)

Paul's posted a big health update and thanks, so I figured I'd link to it:

http://paulcory.livejournal.com/155724.html

Pretty much seconding what he said. We've really appreciated everyone's support these past few months; it's meant a tremendous amount to us both.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Birthday thanks, and adventures in baking

Thanks to everyone who helped celebrate my birthday (belated) yesterday, and thanks to everyone who sent good wishes. The best present of all was getting to see so many friends and spend time with people I hadn't seen in some cases, literally, in years, as well as getting further acquainted with people I've previously just interacted with online.

Miranda deserves mad props for making me not one but TWO cakes. See, now that I'm on a low-sodium diet, I thought it would a smart thing to find replacements for baking soda and baking powder which are made from sodium bicarbonate. There's one baking powder substitute that's made from calcium carbonate, and I'd bought some.

So I gave some to M. for making my cake. Everything on the container and on the company's website said that calcium carbonate works just like baking soda, but it's completely sodium free, and that for best results, you need to just double the amount called for in recipes. So I passed that along to Miranda.

Well. As the kids today say, this calcium carbonate is MADE OF FAIL.

For those who don't know her, Miranda is in fact a first-rate baker. She made mine and Paul's wedding cake 10 years ago and has seriously considered opening her own bakery, so I highly doubt the problem was at her end...

First, she told me that the cake wasn't rising as much as expected.

Then when it came out of the oven, all the rising it did, undid itself.

THEN, it kept... shrinking. Finally, she was left with a tiny brick that she threw away, after tasting it and determining that it even tasted like @ss, too. She told me that at the point when she tossed it, the end product had less than half the volume of the batter.

We were joking that all those people who thought the LHC was going to end the world were correct--they just had the wrong LHC. It's not this one, it's my failed birthday cake, which has turned into a black hole in her garbage can, where no doubt it continues to collapse in on itself.

So she started again and did another version, which looked and tasted terrific--there was not a scrap left at the end of the night. Is that awesome or what? After the first one turned into The Singularity That's Going to Destroy Us All, most people would have said, "Screw it, you're getting a store-bought cake."

Good friends, good food, lots of hanging out and visiting. I couldn't ask for a better celebration. Thanks, everyone.

Though I do wish that whoever anonymously bought me Where the Deep Ones Are from my Amazon wishlist would say something so I could be properly appreciative... :)

Monday, May 4, 2009

A Good Day

It was a good weekend, really, but yesterday was an especially good day, for several reasons. One, good friends Izzy and Dan (minus Christine who was having neck trouble, alas), and the Sanford Pottery Festival. Funnel cake and kettle corn for lunch, woo! Also lots of cool pottery things which I gamely resisted buying--even so, I still came home with a very small bowl, a Christmas tree ornament shaped like a black kitty, a crescent moon magnet, a small outhouse for my dad, and some citrus-scented body powder. Yes, that's restrained, shut up. ;)

Two, for the most part, it was a normal day. I hung out with friends, doing fun things. Then came home, washed my hair, and chilled out in front of the TV, hung out with Paul when he came in from his tennis match. We did dishes. He made pizza. And it was fine. It was normal. It was good.

Other good things from the weekend:

Friday = First of May; see this funny but NOT WORK-SAFE VIDEO:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-77ElyvRxI

Saturday = gaming group. First time playing our rpg since the end of March; it felt great to get back to the characters and dice again.

Three, cleared out the pantry of some stuff I can't really eat anymore and gave it to someone who can, so that was good.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining it well. It was just good to have a normal weekend.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

One month ago today

One month ago today, Paul and I were sitting in the emergency room at UNC Hospitals, wondering what the hell just happened. It would be almost 12 hours more before we would find out for sure that I'd had a heart attack, and it'll be a month tomorrow that they did the cardiac catheterization and found the tear and the SCAD and put the stents in.

Not surprisingly, I'm having a few anxiety twinges this morning. I've already done a meditation/relaxation CD and had my morning devotional and prayer time.

At some point, I'm sure the heart attack won't loom so large; it'll no longer be one of the first things I think about upon waking and one of the last things I think about before going to sleep.

I'll eventually get back to a point where I'll take for granted that I'll wake up the next morning.

There are new challenges now. A low-sodium diet for one. Remembering to take a lot of pills is another. Working on improving my stress management skills so that people and situations don't get the best of me. Finding my new limits while trying not to feel limited, if that makes sense. Making time to see friends and family.

Still trying to make sense of it all. SCADs are so rare and so random, I haven't really started too far down the path of "Why me???" because there's no good answer, physically OR spiritually.

Physically, it's "idiopathic," which is medical jargon for "we have *no* fucking clue." Which brings us back to why me, then? Dunno. Bad luck.

Spiritually, I have to ask: Did the hand of God come down and rip my right coronary artery apart to punish me? Dude, the worst thing I ever did was some petty shoplifting when I was, like 12. There are serial killers on the loose. Which brings us back around to why me? If God/dess had no hand in it, then it was truly random, bad luck.

There are lessons here, yes. This has been a big, spiritual and physical shake-up. I'm eating healthier. And while my triathlon training has been sidetracked, I'm slowly getting back into an exercise plan.

And I'm trying to remember to say "Thank you" and "I love you" to people in my life. That includes all of you (still) reading this. Regardless of when or how we met, or whether we know each other in real life or just online, thank you for being here.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Home, Yay!

I'm home, I'm home, I'm home!!!

Thank you all so much for your prayers, well wishes, lit candles, positive thoughts, etc. They meant the world to Paul and me both. It was such a thrill to sleep in our own bed, beside Paul, uninterrupted for 10 hours straight last night. Being home with him and the cats is a wonderful restorative.

Here's an amusing tidbit from the past few days: you know you're in a hospital in the South when they serve you *fried chicken* in the cardiac ICU.

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